Over Weight as a Chance for Personal Growth / Michal Ron

3 SHORT ARTICLES ABOUT OVER WEIGHT

MICHAL RON*

First Paper:

Beautiful, Smart Bodies

An effective over weight control has only very little to do with how much we eat or exercise. Yes, we can loose some weight for a shorter or longer period by starving ourselves and/or tiring our bodies. Yet all those effort-demanding and happiness-consuming forms or self-mortification are on the whole ineffective, as we bounce back to the weight we were in before, or higher. I think it is about time to acknowledge that.

Some experts say that the only way to reach long-lasting results (i.e. stable low weight) is to change our eating and sporting habits. I agree that we need to change, I just think, as I wrote above, most of it has nothing to do with eating or exercises. What we need to change is the way we think about our bodies, the way we see them, and the way we treat them.

In the modern Western world we love controlling things.

We hardly ever listen. We think that we already know, or that someone else knows, and we take that to be true. It hardly ever occurs to us that if there are so many opinions then whether nobody knows or that they are all right.

For example: sometimes I feel like eating chocolate at 22:00. Yes! I immediately 'know' that I'm 'not suppose' to eat chocolate – that 'I don't need it', and also – that eating late at night 'is not good for me'. We hardly ever respect it when our body says: 'I want chocolate now!' (Not to mention negotiating with our body or interacting with it). We hardly ever bother to think that maybe there is no ‘Truth’ about what we should eat and when. Or better – that these general truths that generally apply to most people in most times might be irrelevant for me, here and now. We'd rather not think, not pay attention, not listen to the body. We prefer to 'know', thinking we are smarter than our body.

We prefer to 'know' rather than listening. Just like some parents would not listen to their children, but would rather read professional books about how to raise them, so do we often believe our mind (our brains, our rationality, our science) more than we believe our bodies. And that might not always be such a good idea… Which reminds me a saying I like, saying that the mind is the best of servants, but is the worst of masters…

I would like to suggest some acknowledge our bodies: their wisdom, their love to us, their skills and abilities, their wonderful beauty. YES! Bodies, as they are, in any form, shape, color, gender, in any way they are, were, or will be, are beautiful!!! Very, very beautiful! It really is so!

No machine, ever, manages to perform as well in what our bodies almost effortlessly do every second and minute in our years-long existence. Whether it is liver functioning, wound healing, getting over a flu, or other such wonders that every body would do numerous times during most life time - no mind and no machine can yet do or create such miracles!

It's about time we start acknowledging that! It is about time for us to marvel at our bodies, that exist and survive in spite of the way we treat them, and not because of the way we treat them.

Having said that, maybe it is also about time we start looking at our over-weight from a new angle.

If our bodies are clever and know what they're doing, then maybe our over-weight (which we want to loose as the mind says we should) is something functional and positive, that our bodies do in order to help us.

For example – a lot of weight can be gained by people as a wall-like defense mechanism – against hatred (external or internal). At other times the body might accumulate more and more weight hoping that the person will notice it – just like children might become noisy in order to get our attention. Just by paying loving attention to your body for a few minutes a day you could loose weight in no time, not having to give up food or starting to exercise. (As a few of my clients could testify…)

If we choose to start believing our bodies to be smart, to be knowing what they are doing, maybe then it is also about time we start co-operating with them instead of fighting them? Maybe it would be better if we stop starving them or forcing them into excess, unpleasant efforts?

The best option would be to check with our body what is the function of our over-weight, what purpose does it serve, and solve that issue in better ways.

For example: in a conversation with one of my clients, in the course of trying to loose weight, we found out that food was for her a whip, a mean of self punishing, self torture, and self hatred. Starving herself was self punishing, but also eating too much, until she was feeling bad, was an expression of self hatred.

We didn't do any changes in her diet, nor did we try to exercise. We were just touching the belly during the session, and crying for the years of self hatred. She learned to feel how pleasant it could be to feel her belly.

Instead of physical exercise, she started to bless her food before eating, and to say: 'I am willing to love myself and my body. I am eating this food in order to be healthy, in order to be happy, as an expression of love to myself and to my body."

And lo! Only two months after we started, two months in which she was practicing how to give up self-hatred, two months which were a journey of love, enjoyment, and self-revelation, that women wore cloths she couldn't get into for the last three years, and again – all that without any change in diet or sport.

Second Paper:

Why Self Torture Doesn’t Help Us Loose Weight

This paper is a continuation of another paper of mine - 'Beautiful, Smart Bodies'. In that paper I referred to the wisdom of bodies and suggested the idea that the accumulation of over-weight by the body might be something of function, something positive that our bodies do.

Let us suppose, for example, that the function of over-weight in some cases could be self-defense - defending us against being approached by others, or against having to deal with sexuality, that arose due to fear of being rejected, fear of criticism, and the like.

The body experiences what we call 'over-weight' as an armor – a shield around our bodies. If we are afraid, an armor is a good thing to have; a shield could make us feel better. Over-weight makes us 'bigger', and therefore more frightening and supposedly less frightened.

Therefore, for some of us, when the situation we are in or the people that surround us appear to be dangerous or frightening, either physically or emotionally, our body or our subconscious might choose to accumulate over-weight as a shield or defense.

Thus, for example: many of us had critical parents, or had to face criticism outside our home. Our over weight might be the subconscious defense mechanism we chose, in order to protect us from criticism. Supposedly, with the proper armor, those poisonous arrows won't go that deep.

Likewise: Most of us are afraid of our own sexuality, of being approached by others or approaching other ourselves. A heavy armor might be very useful in such cases. It keeps people further away from us (in the most physical, literal way). Some might even never approach us, as they don't find us attractive enough, and thus we've avoided further fear and problems. In the case of approaching someone else, taking the risk of rejection, it is like in the above-mention example concerning criticism – supposedly the armor would keep the pain away.

Self torturing (i.e., starvation and excessive physical exercises) doesn't help us loosing weight as it only increases our anxiety. (Unlike eating or exercising with pleasure, and doing things we enjoy doing.) It makes us fear we might loose any love and esteem we feel towards ourselves, or that there is something wrong about us.

No two bodies are alike, and there is no one way all bodies ‘should be’. If we look around us we see that this is usually the truth. Only the Western, scientific mind could ignore this wonderful and beautiful variety, and would try to fit each and every-body to a certain measurable Sodom-bed.

This major attack we are leading against ourselves – telling ourselves that we are not Okay, that are too fat, that we don't look good, that we shouldn't eat, etc. just puts our bodies in a state of war - of one against oneself. Some parts of our selves are in war with other parts of our selves - ‘what should be’ against what exist, the mind against the body.

The subconscious is afraid when being attacked by the conscious mind, that wants the body to look in a certain socially-constructed way, rather than allowing the body to look like it does.

As long as our consciousness and subconscious are in war, and our body being the battle field, loosing weight will always be difficult and torturous issue. The more our conscious mind will attack the body, the more we would tend to thicken the armor and gain more weight.

The only way out of such a state is to change our ways.

Just like with kids, just like with all sentient being – the better way is always the good way.

If we want to loose weight we have first of all to stop fighting and start meeting ourselves in terms of mutual respect. We have to acknowledge the gains we receive from having over weight, and then check out whether we are willing to give those up – to give up the defense against sexuality, to give up the shield against fear, etc.

It is not at all necessary that we do so – otherwise it is not at all negotiation between our body and our subconscious mind, but another attempt of self-blackmailing and self-terrorizing.

Very often we will find out that we never acknowledged before our subconscious, and the way it was taking care of us. It would sometimes take a long, patient negotiating process until we agree to loose weight not in order to look better in the eyes of others, but in order to be good to ourselves.

Only when our conscious mind will be willing to give up control, and our subconscious will be willing to give security; only when there is peace, harmony and agreement between the two, will we be able to encourage, support, and help ourselves to the goal of being healthier and happier.

Still if there is no happiness, if we are not enjoying ourselves, if the journey is not pleasant, it means that we have not been true to ourselves, that we are still mortifying ourselves, that we are still in war with ourselves, and therefore not on the right way, not on the only way to bring real, long-lasting results. As only in a state of peace with ourselves, would we be willing to lay down this armor of over weight.

3rd paper:

Over Weight as a Chance for Self Growth

This paper is a continuation of two other articles of mine - 'Beautiful, Smart Bodies', and 'Why self torture doesn't help us loose weight'.

In those I suggested that bodies are smart when they accumulate over-weight; that they do so for different reasons, and that therefore the simple, old fashioned way of trying to treat this symptom by not eating and/or exercising usually proves not to work for the long run.

If we want to loose weight, we need not only to find out what is the function of our over-weight, but also to fulfill this function in another, more positive, way.

Generally, it has to do with the way we solve 'Problems'.

We could believe 'problems' to be ‘real’.

Yet, we could also think about them in ways:

· 'Problems' could be seen as signals saying that we're doing something wrong;

· 'Problems' could be seen as a great chance to change something;

· 'Problems' could be seen as a gate to a new, different, better form of experiencing our lives, in a more happy, meaningful way.

Looked upon from such point of view, over-weight could also be seen as a ‘problem’ – a beautiful starting point to a journey of self-growth.

If we choose to see over-weight in such a way, we could start by asking ourselves a few questions. For example:

· What is the 'Problem' I want to grow out of? (And it isn't over-weight!) Is it fear? Is it loneliness? Why do I over-eat?

· What do I need to change? (And again, it has nothing to do with eating or exercising.) Should I break up a relationships? Am I to assert myself?

· In what direction do I need to grow? Think of your live in the most general, broad way – Is it time to get married? To start a new career? Else?

What we call today 'over-weight' could become our most wonderful turning point in life and our most trust-worthy guide.