Acknowledgement / Michal Ron

Some of the greatest breakthroughs while working with people often happen after they agreed to trust their feelings and/or bodies.

That is supposedly obvious. Being happy or miserable has mostly to do with emotions, and therefore trusting our feelings would very probably would put us on the way of being able to know what we feel and go to the direction we want (happiness).

Likewise, as we are always in our bodies and with them (at least as long as we live in them), listening to our bodies and trusting them would re-connect us to our only always-working all-knowing intelligence.

Yet, the question is why in the first place did we give up those most empowering and happiness-causing relationship with our feelings and bodies?

I guess the answer has to do with the overweight modern, Western society puts on the brain – being smart, being rational, being logical.

Living in the west, the only way one can be 'right' is by being mental – not by 'feeling it is so', 'wanting to go that way', etc. (Although, and that point is most important to stress, in the autobiographies of many great people this is exactly what they recommend on doing, or said they themselves have done.)

In the West we believe there is 'right' or 'wrong' – instead of many ways to do the same thing. Brankuzi said we are living like in a pyramid, trying to get to the top, instead of like in a field of flowers – enjoying the many colors, smells, shapes, and sizes. The 'right' is, of course, better than the 'wrong', and therefore if a child wants to do something in another way he/she are in the danger of being 'less' (less good, less right, less loved, etc.)

Thus, for example, we believe that the fastest way is the better way, and therefore it is better to do many things than to do a few things and to leave some time for rest. We hardly ever connect this way of thinking, believing, and running our life to the grief we experience when we can never rest (if we feel guilty when we are resting it isn't considered 'rest' by me); that we can never spend a quiet, intimate afternoon with a loved one; that we have no patient for our kids, etc.

Also, many of us spend a lot of time, not to mention suffering we go through, when we try to find out what is the 'right' thing to do, is that the 'right' boy/girl for us, etc. We argue with everyone around us, supposing that if we will be able to prove 'right' we will also be loved and appreciated. Although time and again argumentation and being 'right' never brings the expected, so longed-for results, we never give up on that way.

How do we get out of it?

First of all, we can stop doing this to our kids. We can start by letting them do things their own way, even if we think there is a 'better', 'faster', more 'right' way of doing things.

We can even boost their self esteem and self assurance if we keep telling them how good they are doing – again, even if we think we could have done this 'better' or 'faster'. (Mummy, two plus two are five, right? - Yes love! Or are you afraid that if you won't tell them they'll never know? I believe our job as parents is to give security, love, and acknowledgement, not to teach them math.)

And the same goes for us.

Maybe it is about time to let ourselves do things the way we want to do them?

Who said that staring at the ceiling is a 'better' thing to do in a free evening than reading a book?

We can even go one step further and give ourselves some positive comments for almost each and everything that we do:

- 'Oh, I see you made it dressing up on your own! You are really smart today!'

- No more 'I have to do the dishes', but: 'Wow! Michi! You just did all of the dishes! Gee, you're something!'

I know it sound horribly idiotic. Yet, try this for a few days, and see what miracles it does to your mood.

As I wrote above, things might not go so smoothly or turn out so easily. We are always afraid of being 'wrong', of looking silly, of giving up on the brain. Trying to do something not in the 'right' way, but the way we feel like doing it (eating with your hand, for example), might re-enliven the anxiety which caused us to do things the 'right' way in the beginning, when we were younger. Yet, with enough work and patience and sometimes with the help of a guide, we can make it to the land of peace and happiness, where we'll be always good and always right.

* Michal Ron, got her B.A. in psychology and Biblical Studies from Tel-Aviv University, Israel. Michal is an instructor of the Grinberg method (2^nd level), and gives private sessions concerning physical, mental, emotional, and behavior issues. Michal is also leading a meditation group an a dream interpretation group in San Francisco, where she lives and works.

For further information:
psychological_bodywork@yahoo.com,
or call (415) 221-5582; (415) 810-5582.

September 20, 2003