FAQ about My Work

Q: Is it really true that even after one session I will feel the effect of the work?

A: Yes! And this is because that even in the first session, and in every session afterwards, you see new things, and experience new qualities you didn’t know you were able to experience or possess. And those, in turn, enable the changes in your life.

Q: How is it that those fast results remain to the long term?

A: In addition to the sessions, I give you 'home work', which help you practice and bring into your life what we have been doing in the session.

Thus you get to exercises those peaks we reached at in the sessions, until they become part of your experience in your daily life.

This is what I like about the Grinberg Method - that things can change very quickly, and that you are the one who is making the change!

If you are tempted to come I could invite you for an introductory session, and you can see for your self how you

can start feeling better after even one session!

Wow! That's a Totally Different Concept - Recommendations by Clients

Hey!
I feel so fortunate to know you, and to have some of your knowledge
and wisdom. AND to feel the ground through you. and myself.
Love u !


Good Evening Michal,
I have been meaning to email you since I woke up this morning.
I just want you to know how good I felt after our session.
Your words of encouragement, your massage skills,& just being
able to open up, express myself, & feel comfortable with you was
something that I haven't experienced before . . .  
I am usually somewhat shy & a bit introverted when I first meet
people but with you I feel like I can be myself & not put up
any walls. You have a magnificent attitude & have a way of
relating & expressing things very well. It is positive, nurturing
& appreciated! . . . 
I am hoping that I can turn my life into a happy one with less
stress, and now I have to go do my Breathing Homework! 
I am looking forward to our session !     
xxx

Hi there Sunshine
U R Sensational...DEEP DEEP WORK. I was so emptied when I left
I took a two hour nap --the first in ten years! Feel so much
better...strong enough to make friends with Fear and Sadness....

Michallula
a week later, and i'm still very much listening to
what my Beten is doing, and our conversation echoes in
my head as a good lesson i learned.
thank you,
xxx

Michal- It was a lovely evening learning about your work. It
will be helpful to me personally and professionally. Thanks
for inviting me!

Michalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!
Well, I had 3 shows and they went so, so, so good. I had a suggestion from a
company called xxx. They came to see me in the show and they like my
music (me too :-)).
Me and zzz are a couple once agian :-) :-) :-) and we are working on a
musical show together. The relationship between us is so great. it's what
I've been dreaming about all the time.
A lot of good things are happening. LIFE IS GREAT.
In few weeks I'll have a website talking about me and my music.
My father is not in a good condition but I'm o.k. with that.
Well michal, once again I want to thank you for that great work you did with me.
I feel so good, so great. I'm in love with life.
I wish you the best in life,
xxx.

The Grinberg Method / Michal Ron

The Grinberg method is based on working with our bodies, and enables us to stop unwanted, ongoing, automatic, chronic patterns which we no longer want in our life. With the help of breathing exercises, movement, games, and more, we can put an end to migranes, digestion problems, stress, shyness, fighting with the boss… actually - everything.

The basic concept of the Grinberg method is that as long as we live we are acting with and via our bodies. This is why each and every thing that we do – physical, emotional, mental or behavior – will be also expressed by our bodies. For example: stress could be expressed by short, shalow breathings to the chest and a certain lifting of the shoulders. Migranes could appear after we hold our necks stiff for a while. Feeling insecure usually has something to do with a certain posture in which we hold the chest.

All these different bodily habits were adopted by us during our lives, until nowadays we are not even aware of the effort needed to keep them going. Most people who only breath to their stomachs are hardly aware of it. When I ask them to breath to their chest they experience it as an effort. They are not aware of the constant effort they are doing in order to suppress the natural breathing to their chests. Often they need to exercise in order to go back to that natural way of breathing.

In the same way, a girl who was told 'to keep her belly inside' goes on to be 'a good girl' and to 'keep her belly inside' even when she is 35 years old. Only today she is disturbed by constant constipations. When I asked her to 'blow her belly out' as a funny, simple, playful exercise she became stiff; she forgot how to do it; her body needed to learn that again.

Yet those barriers are not only physical, but psychological also. When that girl put out her belly as a child she was scolded, and therefore today, even when she does it in front of me she is ashamed, she is afraid to let her belly take its place, she feels 'not OK' or 'not pretty'.

The goal of the process in the Grinberg method, therefore, is to re-establish all those simple 'lost' physical abilities with which we were born; those physical abilities whose loss causes us so often physical, emotional and mental pains.

It is important to state that in the Grinberg method there is no 'one, right way' of breathing, walking, sitting, etc. What we are trying to do is to have again all the possibilities we used to naturally have in the past, instead of sticking to those 30% (or so) of the options with which we are left today.

During the sessions we often meet all those original reasons due to which we learned to keep our bellies inside, to raise our shoulders, to stiffen our neck, to tighten our jaws, etc. Those usually have to do with painful events in the past, with emotions we were not allowed to express (go to your room until you are calm again), etc. With the physical release the emotional distress that was kept 'in prison' gets also released, usually via shivering, sweating, crying, a new insight, memories, and even laughter.

Putting an end to the automatic physical effort we used to do, as well as the meeting with the emotional levels that brought it into being, enable us to put an end to the symptom due to which we started the whole process, leaving us happier, more available to life and to love, lighter, and with more energy. (Not to mention all those new options, as well as better relationship with ourselves and others).

Sessions, as well as processes in the Grinberg method are very varied.

Some people come in order to stop physical symptoms, which they find annoying. Yet others come for the same reasons as they would if choosing to go to a therapy – in order to know themselves better, to feel better with themselves, to improve our quality of life, etc.

The process in the Grinberg method begins with an introductory session. (This meeting can also be a one-time-meeting, when people come due to curiosity, in order to hear a second opinion, as a gift from someone else, etc.).

In that session we mainly talk, in order to reveal the main, typical things the person does, which disturb him in his daily life. We talk about the situations in one's history in which he learned to be and behave that way. Those physical, emotional, mental or behavior automatic, repeating patterns are going to be the centre of the process.

Very often people know why they came – they want less stress; they want to find a partner; they want to find a new job; or they don't want those stiff shoulders any more.

Often I like to add to this first meeting also a short physical session of working with the body, so that people will be able to experience in first hand the automatic ongoing effort they do, and the spare energy that can be gained by giving up that effort.

Usually even in this first meeting it is possible to experience a relief in the symptom, past memories that suddenly 'appear', a new understanding concerning some issues, and more.

* Michal Ron, B.A. in psychology and instructor in the Grinberg method (2^nd level), gives private session in the Grinberg Method concerning physical, mental, emotional, and behavior issues, and leads meditation groups and dreams-interpretation group in San Francisco, CA.

For further information:
psychological_bodywork@yahoo.com, or call (415) 221-5582; (415) 810-5582.

Tips for STRESS Reduction / Michal Ron

We all know stress is bad for our health, yet living in the Western world, we cannot avoid it.

Here are a few simple, short, and easy-to-do tips that can help you reduce stress immediately on a daily basis, or in stressful situations.

Breath

First Exercies: Inhale. Breathe in from your mouth. Breath fully. Try to let the air go all the way up, until it practically lifts up your shoulders. 3-4 breathes will do to reduce help, and will leave you more alive and clear than before.

Second Exercise: If you have a little bit more time, and you can sit or lie down, put your hand on your lower abdomen, and breathe to your hand. Take care to inhale with your mouth open, and make sure your hand on the abdomen is going up and down. 10-20 breathes will do, and leave you much more calm than you’ve experienced a long time.

Movement

Third Exercise: When inhaling bring your shoulders up as far as they go, and when exhaling just let them drop down all at once. This will release the tension that often accumulates in the shoulder, back and neck. 5-10 times will do.

Fourth Exercise: If you can find a place to be alone, try this: when inhaling, open wide your mouth and your eyes, and stretch your toes. When you exhale squeeze your eyes, your mouth, and your toes until they are closed. When inhaling stretch them wide open again. 10 times will do.

Practicing those four simple, short exercises on a daily basis will reduce your daily stress level in only 2-3 weeks, and will enable you to be more happy, healthy and relaxed.

Emotional Growth / Michal Ron

We all want to be happy, and the $1,000,000 question is: 'how'?

I would like to suggest we are all born naturally happy, i.e. – that happiness is our natural state of existence, happiness is our only reality. Any unhappiness we experience is not 'real', but a kind of 'movie' we delve into, and experience as reality.

We could compare it to the sun in the sky. The sun is always there. The skies are always blue. Yet, sometimes we just can't see them, as the clouds hide them away from us. Even though we don't see the sun in the blue sky, they are always there, they are the sole true reality.

In order to be happy, then, we need to clear the things which are blocking our experience of the good reality.

The ways of doing this are many and varied. (Meditation, for example, is a most efficient such way, aiming exactly at that target).

I would like to suggest another such a way, which I named 'Emotional Growth'.

The first presumption of Emotional Growth states that in the most natural way all human beings are good, strong, and happy.

The times in which we experience our selves, our lives or the people around us as if it was not so, are the times when emotional 'clouds' dim our sight.

A few such 'emotional clouds' are, for example, fear, loneliness, shame or anger. Another name for such 'clouds' is emotional distress, or simply – 'distress'.

Most of the emotional distress we experience in our daily life began to accumulate in our early childhood. When we felt we were too weak to cope we started accumulating fear. Criticism made us believe we were not good enough, and thus we started accumulating shame. Sometimes we needed that someone would listen to us or would be with us, and when such a person did not exist we started accumulating loneliness.

In contrast to what we might have expected, although the situations which gave birth to such distress might well are gone and forgotten, the distress that was born there and then did not disappear.

Although today we might be strong enough to cope with life we might still experience ourselves as the little, weak children that we were. Although today there is nobody there to criticize us, we might still be afraid of 'what people might say' and stop ourselves from being fully expressed.

The same goes for loneliness. We might be well courted, well loved and most seriously approached, yet in our heart we might still believe that nobody 'really' loves us, 'really' sees us, or 'really' wants us.

Those different types of emotional distress distort the way in which we see reality and experience our daily life. When shame dims our sight we think that we are less wonderful than we actually are. When anger does it we think that other people are less wonderful than they really are. When loneliness blocks our sight we won't be able to see the love that is there for us to be given and received.

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THERE IS A WAY OUT!!!

One of the ways I'd like to offer, a way that I am practicing for a few years now, is a way that in many kinds of personal-growth methods proved to be extremely efficient and beneficial - the group work.

Such an emotional-growth group would consist of a few people – big enough to form a receptive, supporting audience, yet small enough to keep it intimate.

The group would start in a cycle of 'new and good' things that happened to us today, tomorrow, or since our last meeting. Each participant would tell the rest of us one such 'new and good' thing – to remind ourselves that we are gathered not in order to moan, but in order to enable ourselves to experience a more happy life.

We would then proceed to 'give time'. The time left would be divided to the number of participants, so that each of us in his/her turn would have the whole stage for him/herself. The group leader might choose to take an active part in the session, or just let the participant unload her/his emotional burden.

One could also choose to share happy, good news with the group and receive acknowledgements. I've been to sessions when the participant chose to put up a dance show she made up. In other cases we had a dialogue with people who gave the participant a 'hard time'. The options are almost infinite.

The group would finish by a 'closing circle', in which each participant would be able to state something s/he takes from the meeting, something that touched his/her heart, etc.

Such group meetings enable us to bring up the distress we are carrying since childhood in a new, safe and supportive atmosphere and environment. In such a group we could practice new ways of behavior and new ways of experiencing ourselves and others in a more beneficent way, until these ways become natural to us, and we return to be the loving, happy and secure person we were when we were born.

Acknowledgement / Michal Ron

Some of the greatest breakthroughs while working with people often happen after they agreed to trust their feelings and/or bodies.

That is supposedly obvious. Being happy or miserable has mostly to do with emotions, and therefore trusting our feelings would very probably would put us on the way of being able to know what we feel and go to the direction we want (happiness).

Likewise, as we are always in our bodies and with them (at least as long as we live in them), listening to our bodies and trusting them would re-connect us to our only always-working all-knowing intelligence.

Yet, the question is why in the first place did we give up those most empowering and happiness-causing relationship with our feelings and bodies?

I guess the answer has to do with the overweight modern, Western society puts on the brain – being smart, being rational, being logical.

Living in the west, the only way one can be 'right' is by being mental – not by 'feeling it is so', 'wanting to go that way', etc. (Although, and that point is most important to stress, in the autobiographies of many great people this is exactly what they recommend on doing, or said they themselves have done.)

In the West we believe there is 'right' or 'wrong' – instead of many ways to do the same thing. Brankuzi said we are living like in a pyramid, trying to get to the top, instead of like in a field of flowers – enjoying the many colors, smells, shapes, and sizes. The 'right' is, of course, better than the 'wrong', and therefore if a child wants to do something in another way he/she are in the danger of being 'less' (less good, less right, less loved, etc.)

Thus, for example, we believe that the fastest way is the better way, and therefore it is better to do many things than to do a few things and to leave some time for rest. We hardly ever connect this way of thinking, believing, and running our life to the grief we experience when we can never rest (if we feel guilty when we are resting it isn't considered 'rest' by me); that we can never spend a quiet, intimate afternoon with a loved one; that we have no patient for our kids, etc.

Also, many of us spend a lot of time, not to mention suffering we go through, when we try to find out what is the 'right' thing to do, is that the 'right' boy/girl for us, etc. We argue with everyone around us, supposing that if we will be able to prove 'right' we will also be loved and appreciated. Although time and again argumentation and being 'right' never brings the expected, so longed-for results, we never give up on that way.

How do we get out of it?

First of all, we can stop doing this to our kids. We can start by letting them do things their own way, even if we think there is a 'better', 'faster', more 'right' way of doing things.

We can even boost their self esteem and self assurance if we keep telling them how good they are doing – again, even if we think we could have done this 'better' or 'faster'. (Mummy, two plus two are five, right? - Yes love! Or are you afraid that if you won't tell them they'll never know? I believe our job as parents is to give security, love, and acknowledgement, not to teach them math.)

And the same goes for us.

Maybe it is about time to let ourselves do things the way we want to do them?

Who said that staring at the ceiling is a 'better' thing to do in a free evening than reading a book?

We can even go one step further and give ourselves some positive comments for almost each and everything that we do:

- 'Oh, I see you made it dressing up on your own! You are really smart today!'

- No more 'I have to do the dishes', but: 'Wow! Michi! You just did all of the dishes! Gee, you're something!'

I know it sound horribly idiotic. Yet, try this for a few days, and see what miracles it does to your mood.

As I wrote above, things might not go so smoothly or turn out so easily. We are always afraid of being 'wrong', of looking silly, of giving up on the brain. Trying to do something not in the 'right' way, but the way we feel like doing it (eating with your hand, for example), might re-enliven the anxiety which caused us to do things the 'right' way in the beginning, when we were younger. Yet, with enough work and patience and sometimes with the help of a guide, we can make it to the land of peace and happiness, where we'll be always good and always right.

* Michal Ron, got her B.A. in psychology and Biblical Studies from Tel-Aviv University, Israel. Michal is an instructor of the Grinberg method (2^nd level), and gives private sessions concerning physical, mental, emotional, and behavior issues. Michal is also leading a meditation group an a dream interpretation group in San Francisco, where she lives and works.

For further information:
psychological_bodywork@yahoo.com,
or call (415) 221-5582; (415) 810-5582.

September 20, 2003

How to Choose a Guide / Michal Ron

How to choose a guide / Michal Ron*

We are all on the way for self-growth. I came to this conclusion after years of practice (which I started from the view point of utter disbelief, by the way).

Much too often it can hardly be seen, yet I believe that all that we do, we do in order to benefit ourselves or others, or in order to avoid harm being done to ourselves or others. We always strive for the better – only we very sharply (and sometimes very bitterly) disagree about what is 'better'.

Anyway, striving to live better, or on the way of improving our life (their quality, our relationship with ourselves, our situation in life, etc.), we sometimes choose to ask the advice of a guide. We go to that person once a week, or when we need him/her, and we pay him/her in order that the time we spend together will be only ours.

I personally believe we all need a guide or guides. We can call him/her a therapist, 'shrink', healer, guru, teacher – whatever. I chose the word 'guide' as we are all in the way, as we are all guides and are being guided, and as anyone can be a guide.

That person has two main functions.

The first is to support us on the way, and therefore – a guide.

The second function of a guide is to give an extra meaning to our life - to show us time and again the way to growth, and to keep us on that way.

Now the question is how to choose a guide?

How to know one when we meet one?

What should we be looking for?

I'd like to state here a few qualities that one must have in order to function well as a guide:

· Being discrete. This is maybe the most fundamental point. As we trust that person with our top secrets, he/she might better be one who deserves that trust.

· Love. Very stupid and supposedly very obvious. Yet, as the way is not always that easy, better to take one we like, one we are looking forward to meet, one we feel to be a good friend, a good companion, a real partner on the way.

· Acceptance. I find it very hard to work with people I don't accept, people I am angry with, or think bad things about. On the side of the coin, it is only possible for the client to reveal his/her 'real' self, his/her darkest sides and stories in front of people who would accept them no matter what.

· Strength, responsibility. One of the most frustrating therapeutic experiences I had was having to take care of my therapist, fearing he/she might won't take it. I fired two such therapists, as after 'having to take care they won't collapse' there was not much point of coming and 'putting myself in their hands'. We need to know that we are never 'too much' for the person in front of us, and that no matter what, he/she is responsible that we will go out of the room back on our feet, feeling better, happy we came.

· Caring, commitment. Many therapeutic processes linger on and on and nothing changes. In many processes we arrives at a point when the client has to choose – am I giving up being a silly baby or not? Am I going to go for what I really want, or do I go on being afraid of life and living? Our guide should be the one to insist we do what is best for us! He/she is the one that is supposed to push us when we don't have the courage to jump.

· No cooperation with the system. Much too often we create with our guide the kind of relationship we create with everyone else around us. We use our 'winning formula'. We are being nice, or smart, or funny, or vulnerable, or whatever. Mostly it is very convenient for the guide to cooperate with that. Yet, a good guide won't cooperate when it is not for our best interest. I once said to a client: "Why don't you tell me you are mad at me?" She started crying, as her anger was so deeply hidden she didn't even see she was being so nice instead of feeling angry, not to mention daring to acknowledge and express her anger.

· Maturity. On our way of self-growth we very usually 'mix' with other people. We don't see our own weak points, we think that other people are 'not OK', etc. A good guide, like a mature parent, is suppose to be able to stay with us even when we are behaving foolishly. Not to play the same stupid game we are playing; not to blame us for not being grown-ups; not to run and hide. Simply to stay with us, seeing the original pain or fear that causes this behavior, waiting for us to grow up and enabling that.

· Being a student himself. This quality is maybe the most important quality for a guide who wants to go on enjoying his/her work and to really help others. Many guides think they know better. Sometimes they do. Much too often people believe them to. Yet, nobody is always right. This quality enables one to keep learning about him/herself, and to go on learning from each and every client that comes to him/her. Thus, and only thus, would his/her students will learn how to become students/guides themselves, so that they would be able to lead themselves and others to a better, happier way of living.

Amen.

* Michal Ron, B.A. in psychology and Biblical studies from Tel-Aviv University, Israel, and instructor of the Grinberg method (2^nd level), gives private session in the Grinberg Method concerning physical, mental, emotional, and behavior issues, and leads support/self growth groups of meditation and dreams interpretation.

For further information:
psychological_boywork@yahoo.com,
or call (415) 221-5582; (415) 810-5582.

September 20, 2003

'Problems'? / Michal Ron

Much too often in our lives we face 'Problems'.

Actually, since we are very young we face such 'Problems'.

Untill the day we die, so it seems, at least, we are going to go on facing 'Problems'.

Seems like 'Problems' will always be part of our life.

But most of us don't enjoy 'Problems', which takes out the pleasure from our life.

What to do, then?

My solution is not very new, but maybe you will be meeting it for the first time.

Most of us, we believe 'problems' to be real, to be real 'problems'.

Yet, we could also think about them in another way:

· 'Problems' could also be seen as signals saying that we are doing the wrong direction;

· 'Problems' could also be seen as a great chance to change something;

· 'Problems' could also be seen as an opening to a new, different, better form of experiencing our lives, so that they become more happy and meaningful.

Thus, 'Problems' could be seen as a new, beautiful, challenging, most developing lessons waiting for us to be learned, in order to enrich our life and make us more fulfilled and happy.

Sorry for the optimism.

I know well, from first hand actually, that when we face those 'Problems' all we want to do is run and hide, all we want is for these ‘Problems’ to be through with.

Yet, I do believe, and I do practice in my life the attempt of solving 'Problems' in such a way.

Sometimes it takes time.

Sometimes I fail.

It is always hard work.

Mostly it is frightening, and even painful.

And mostly you need a good instructor going or growing through that way.

Yet, my experience has taught me that it was always, always, worth it.

(And that's why I allow myself to be optimistic.)

GOOD LUCK!!!

* Michal Ron has earned her degrees in psychology and Biblical Studies from Tel Aviv University, Israel. For the last 7 years Michal has been working as a certified practitioner of the Grinberg method, aimed at enabling us to create positive changes in our lives, and thus to create a higher degree of well being. She is mosly working with people who want to grow, to understand their lives, and enjoy it.

Since March 2005, a resident of San Francisco, CA, Michal has been guiding a meditation group on Tuesday evenings, and a dream interpretation group on Wednesday evenings.

Over Weight as a Chance for Personal Growth / Michal Ron

3 SHORT ARTICLES ABOUT OVER WEIGHT

MICHAL RON*

First Paper:

Beautiful, Smart Bodies

An effective over weight control has only very little to do with how much we eat or exercise. Yes, we can loose some weight for a shorter or longer period by starving ourselves and/or tiring our bodies. Yet all those effort-demanding and happiness-consuming forms or self-mortification are on the whole ineffective, as we bounce back to the weight we were in before, or higher. I think it is about time to acknowledge that.

Some experts say that the only way to reach long-lasting results (i.e. stable low weight) is to change our eating and sporting habits. I agree that we need to change, I just think, as I wrote above, most of it has nothing to do with eating or exercises. What we need to change is the way we think about our bodies, the way we see them, and the way we treat them.

In the modern Western world we love controlling things.

We hardly ever listen. We think that we already know, or that someone else knows, and we take that to be true. It hardly ever occurs to us that if there are so many opinions then whether nobody knows or that they are all right.

For example: sometimes I feel like eating chocolate at 22:00. Yes! I immediately 'know' that I'm 'not suppose' to eat chocolate – that 'I don't need it', and also – that eating late at night 'is not good for me'. We hardly ever respect it when our body says: 'I want chocolate now!' (Not to mention negotiating with our body or interacting with it). We hardly ever bother to think that maybe there is no ‘Truth’ about what we should eat and when. Or better – that these general truths that generally apply to most people in most times might be irrelevant for me, here and now. We'd rather not think, not pay attention, not listen to the body. We prefer to 'know', thinking we are smarter than our body.

We prefer to 'know' rather than listening. Just like some parents would not listen to their children, but would rather read professional books about how to raise them, so do we often believe our mind (our brains, our rationality, our science) more than we believe our bodies. And that might not always be such a good idea… Which reminds me a saying I like, saying that the mind is the best of servants, but is the worst of masters…

I would like to suggest some acknowledge our bodies: their wisdom, their love to us, their skills and abilities, their wonderful beauty. YES! Bodies, as they are, in any form, shape, color, gender, in any way they are, were, or will be, are beautiful!!! Very, very beautiful! It really is so!

No machine, ever, manages to perform as well in what our bodies almost effortlessly do every second and minute in our years-long existence. Whether it is liver functioning, wound healing, getting over a flu, or other such wonders that every body would do numerous times during most life time - no mind and no machine can yet do or create such miracles!

It's about time we start acknowledging that! It is about time for us to marvel at our bodies, that exist and survive in spite of the way we treat them, and not because of the way we treat them.

Having said that, maybe it is also about time we start looking at our over-weight from a new angle.

If our bodies are clever and know what they're doing, then maybe our over-weight (which we want to loose as the mind says we should) is something functional and positive, that our bodies do in order to help us.

For example – a lot of weight can be gained by people as a wall-like defense mechanism – against hatred (external or internal). At other times the body might accumulate more and more weight hoping that the person will notice it – just like children might become noisy in order to get our attention. Just by paying loving attention to your body for a few minutes a day you could loose weight in no time, not having to give up food or starting to exercise. (As a few of my clients could testify…)

If we choose to start believing our bodies to be smart, to be knowing what they are doing, maybe then it is also about time we start co-operating with them instead of fighting them? Maybe it would be better if we stop starving them or forcing them into excess, unpleasant efforts?

The best option would be to check with our body what is the function of our over-weight, what purpose does it serve, and solve that issue in better ways.

For example: in a conversation with one of my clients, in the course of trying to loose weight, we found out that food was for her a whip, a mean of self punishing, self torture, and self hatred. Starving herself was self punishing, but also eating too much, until she was feeling bad, was an expression of self hatred.

We didn't do any changes in her diet, nor did we try to exercise. We were just touching the belly during the session, and crying for the years of self hatred. She learned to feel how pleasant it could be to feel her belly.

Instead of physical exercise, she started to bless her food before eating, and to say: 'I am willing to love myself and my body. I am eating this food in order to be healthy, in order to be happy, as an expression of love to myself and to my body."

And lo! Only two months after we started, two months in which she was practicing how to give up self-hatred, two months which were a journey of love, enjoyment, and self-revelation, that women wore cloths she couldn't get into for the last three years, and again – all that without any change in diet or sport.

Second Paper:

Why Self Torture Doesn’t Help Us Loose Weight

This paper is a continuation of another paper of mine - 'Beautiful, Smart Bodies'. In that paper I referred to the wisdom of bodies and suggested the idea that the accumulation of over-weight by the body might be something of function, something positive that our bodies do.

Let us suppose, for example, that the function of over-weight in some cases could be self-defense - defending us against being approached by others, or against having to deal with sexuality, that arose due to fear of being rejected, fear of criticism, and the like.

The body experiences what we call 'over-weight' as an armor – a shield around our bodies. If we are afraid, an armor is a good thing to have; a shield could make us feel better. Over-weight makes us 'bigger', and therefore more frightening and supposedly less frightened.

Therefore, for some of us, when the situation we are in or the people that surround us appear to be dangerous or frightening, either physically or emotionally, our body or our subconscious might choose to accumulate over-weight as a shield or defense.

Thus, for example: many of us had critical parents, or had to face criticism outside our home. Our over weight might be the subconscious defense mechanism we chose, in order to protect us from criticism. Supposedly, with the proper armor, those poisonous arrows won't go that deep.

Likewise: Most of us are afraid of our own sexuality, of being approached by others or approaching other ourselves. A heavy armor might be very useful in such cases. It keeps people further away from us (in the most physical, literal way). Some might even never approach us, as they don't find us attractive enough, and thus we've avoided further fear and problems. In the case of approaching someone else, taking the risk of rejection, it is like in the above-mention example concerning criticism – supposedly the armor would keep the pain away.

Self torturing (i.e., starvation and excessive physical exercises) doesn't help us loosing weight as it only increases our anxiety. (Unlike eating or exercising with pleasure, and doing things we enjoy doing.) It makes us fear we might loose any love and esteem we feel towards ourselves, or that there is something wrong about us.

No two bodies are alike, and there is no one way all bodies ‘should be’. If we look around us we see that this is usually the truth. Only the Western, scientific mind could ignore this wonderful and beautiful variety, and would try to fit each and every-body to a certain measurable Sodom-bed.

This major attack we are leading against ourselves – telling ourselves that we are not Okay, that are too fat, that we don't look good, that we shouldn't eat, etc. just puts our bodies in a state of war - of one against oneself. Some parts of our selves are in war with other parts of our selves - ‘what should be’ against what exist, the mind against the body.

The subconscious is afraid when being attacked by the conscious mind, that wants the body to look in a certain socially-constructed way, rather than allowing the body to look like it does.

As long as our consciousness and subconscious are in war, and our body being the battle field, loosing weight will always be difficult and torturous issue. The more our conscious mind will attack the body, the more we would tend to thicken the armor and gain more weight.

The only way out of such a state is to change our ways.

Just like with kids, just like with all sentient being – the better way is always the good way.

If we want to loose weight we have first of all to stop fighting and start meeting ourselves in terms of mutual respect. We have to acknowledge the gains we receive from having over weight, and then check out whether we are willing to give those up – to give up the defense against sexuality, to give up the shield against fear, etc.

It is not at all necessary that we do so – otherwise it is not at all negotiation between our body and our subconscious mind, but another attempt of self-blackmailing and self-terrorizing.

Very often we will find out that we never acknowledged before our subconscious, and the way it was taking care of us. It would sometimes take a long, patient negotiating process until we agree to loose weight not in order to look better in the eyes of others, but in order to be good to ourselves.

Only when our conscious mind will be willing to give up control, and our subconscious will be willing to give security; only when there is peace, harmony and agreement between the two, will we be able to encourage, support, and help ourselves to the goal of being healthier and happier.

Still if there is no happiness, if we are not enjoying ourselves, if the journey is not pleasant, it means that we have not been true to ourselves, that we are still mortifying ourselves, that we are still in war with ourselves, and therefore not on the right way, not on the only way to bring real, long-lasting results. As only in a state of peace with ourselves, would we be willing to lay down this armor of over weight.

3rd paper:

Over Weight as a Chance for Self Growth

This paper is a continuation of two other articles of mine - 'Beautiful, Smart Bodies', and 'Why self torture doesn't help us loose weight'.

In those I suggested that bodies are smart when they accumulate over-weight; that they do so for different reasons, and that therefore the simple, old fashioned way of trying to treat this symptom by not eating and/or exercising usually proves not to work for the long run.

If we want to loose weight, we need not only to find out what is the function of our over-weight, but also to fulfill this function in another, more positive, way.

Generally, it has to do with the way we solve 'Problems'.

We could believe 'problems' to be ‘real’.

Yet, we could also think about them in ways:

· 'Problems' could be seen as signals saying that we're doing something wrong;

· 'Problems' could be seen as a great chance to change something;

· 'Problems' could be seen as a gate to a new, different, better form of experiencing our lives, in a more happy, meaningful way.

Looked upon from such point of view, over-weight could also be seen as a ‘problem’ – a beautiful starting point to a journey of self-growth.

If we choose to see over-weight in such a way, we could start by asking ourselves a few questions. For example:

· What is the 'Problem' I want to grow out of? (And it isn't over-weight!) Is it fear? Is it loneliness? Why do I over-eat?

· What do I need to change? (And again, it has nothing to do with eating or exercising.) Should I break up a relationships? Am I to assert myself?

· In what direction do I need to grow? Think of your live in the most general, broad way – Is it time to get married? To start a new career? Else?

What we call today 'over-weight' could become our most wonderful turning point in life and our most trust-worthy guide.

Getting Married as a Path of Personal Growth / Michal Ron

THE WAY TO PARTNERSHIP

Have you ever considered the possibility you were actually creating that?

Would you like to change that?

I am a practitioner of the Grinberg method, according to which we create each and every single state in our life. Those might be physical, emotional, or behavioral states, for example: insomnia, back aches, smoking, depression, stress, or any other state, even being single.

The process of change in the Grinberg Method begins with a foot-analysis, in which we examine the subjects in life that we would like to work upon.

In the course of the sessions that come afterwards we concentrate on different forms of body work, like interactive massage, exercises, and play.

After many years of practicing different techniques and methods, I came to the conclusion that this is the best, most fast, efficient, fun and cheap way for us to sort things out in our life.

(For further information about the Grinberg method, please read my article in this blog.

This paper presents two stories of ex-clients of mine, on their way to a good and happy relationship. Those people are described in the most general and un-identifiable way in order to protect their privacy.

First Case Study

A very beautiful and successful woman came to me. She was well in her thirties, yet never had a relationship before. She was well-courted and had many suitors, with whom she used to date, and occasionally to have sexual relationship with, yet as I stated above, none of these relationship ever grew to become a couple-hood.

In our joint work together we did not specifically work on this issue, but rather concentrated on her ability to be more assertive at work.

It took us two months to solve this issue, and then a crises broke up in her relationship with her parents. The solution to those problems enabled her to start a whole new relationship with her parents, based on her autonomy, independence and strength, without losing even a bit (and in fact – winning a lot more) of love, affection and warmth in the excellent relationships she was having with her parents.

A very short while after the main professional, financial and family issues of her life were solved she met by chance a very nice guy. A few months later they moved to live together, and nowadays they are raising their child.

The friend who referred her to me said she's never in her life seen a more beautiful and loving relationship.

I bring this case in order to show how very deep and long lasting changes in our love life can be arrived at even while working on other issues in our life.

The way I see it today, that woman did not create any long lasting relationship with any man because she was not sure of her own strength and assertiveness in relationships. Only after securing and practicing her strength and assertiveness in both career and family situations did she feel confident enough to get involved in a close, intimate, long lasting relationship with a man.

Second Case Study

That man was quite a good looking, intelligent, and successful young person, and I was wondering how come he managed to stay single for so long.

It didn't seem to bother him, though, and he said he didn't really like to get into any committing relationship.

He did, though, feel he was quite shallow emotionally-wise, and we chose to try and add some more feelings and depth to his life.

In the beginning he was talking a lot. It took us a while to start doing and experiencing some real body work, instead of indulging in vain intellectual discussions.

Then came an experience which uncovered emotions that surprised him quite a lot. He was overwhelmed by waves of rage and anger he has never experienced before, which he never knew existed in him, and which he never knew he could contain.

It took us a few more months of mutual work to put all the pieces together and see how much anger he felt towards his mother due to her over protectiveness. All the energy and action he was not allowed to exert in his youth have accumulated in him in the form of anger he was not even aware of, and never felt before.

Any new relationship with a woman would have actually meant for him experiencing again these restrictions on his freedom and the anger which was still there, waiting to be resolved since his early childhood.

As far as he was (unconsciously) concerned, he would rather not have any such a relationship, as they would force him to experience those feelings.

In a most unconscious way he preferred to give up any awareness to his feelings and to experience an emotional shallowness or over-intellectualism, while in fact he was trying to hide away these emotions which he was not willing to experience or acknowledge.

In the process of work we managed to reach deeper and deeper levels of anger and rage, and to unload him from that burden.

In one of the sessions he even learned how to say 'no!' – which he hardly ever did until that session.

Gradually he started experiencing more and more feelings in his life.

I have no 'happy end' yet to this story as I moved to San Francisco and he continued with another practitioner of the Grinberg method, yet I think that man can serve as a good example of how sometimes we choose the option of single-hood due to reasons that we are not wholly conscious of, like well hidden emotions that we are afraid to face. Revealing those emotions and solving the history that caused us to store them in our subconsciousness will enable us to form new, close and loving relationships.

Third Case Study
I met that woman in one of the workshops in which I have participated. She kept saying how much she wanted a relationship, and how determined she was to have one soon.

For some reason it was very clear to me that she hasn't got a chance in a million to get there, yet I didn't know why.

She was at her late thirties, she approached many men, was dating very often, but would never make it to the second date.

I had to nag her quite a lot, as I was curious, and finally she came to a feet analysis. (In the Grinberg method by feet analysis one can examine any repeating pattern in life, and track its source in ones personal history.)

In the feet analysis it became very clear that she was constantly and only active – not only generally in her life, but also with men.

She decided to start coming for a process, and we started meeting once a week.

It took me a lot of effort to convince her to stop courting men. I do not opposing courting in general, of course, I only wanted her to try and stop that repetitive, automatic behavior, which was the only option she knew, as I thought she has much go gain from trying something new.

After a while she agreed not to court any man for two whole weeks! In those two weeks she was approached by three different men. It was also the first time in her life that she received flowers from a man…

Another issue was her mother. Supposedly, they were very close. She would tell her mom about all the men in her life, and her mom would encourage her to go on approaching men and doing her best. Her mom was actually putting much stress on her, in order to help her get married.

She told me she would not have minded to live her life on her own, if it wasn't for her mom who kept nagging her.

Actually, that mother kept her stressed all the time, and that stress, which was well shown in her feet and in her behavior was part of the reasons that caused her never to make it to the second date.

Once her mother fought with her dad, and as a part of the power-struggle between the two parents, the mother took my client out to the theater. (Instead of going there with her father.)

I mentioned to her how convenient it was surely for her mom to have a single daughter who is so much on her side, and how maybe – consciously or unconsciously – her mother was practically doing her best to keep that daughter single (by keeping her well stressed to get married).

That point wasn't so easy for my client to digest, yet after she realized what I was saying she started to keep her private life separate from her mom, and would no more share with her any information about the subject. Her mother then had no option but to raise the subject here and there, and not having a partner for discussion and stress, would drop off the subject.

In a very short time most of the stress that was attached to finding a spouse miraculously disappeared.

A further step of stress-reduction happened at the end of one of the sessions, when my client arose after the 10 minutes rest and said: "I realized that I'm causing myself a lot of stress for no apparent reason. Sooner or later I am going to get married, and it doesn't really matter when this is going to happen. And as for the child I want – well, I don't need to get married in order to have a child."

It took us a few months to get to that point, when she actually fully emotionally realized that she really has the option to live the life she wanted – having both love and children, whereas before this option was theoretical only, and she never felt she really had this option.

At some point in the process my client came to the conclusion that she doesn't at all wants to get married. It was very surprising thing for her to discover. She suddenly realized how much afraid she was of the supposed criticism her partner would have concerning her and her life.

I suggested a ‘deal’ according to which she is allowed not to get married for two month. She was terrified lest she would never get married if she would allow herself to feel this way even for two moths, but finally she decided to take the risk.

During those two months our weekly meetings were devoted to subjects like self enjoyment, self love, etc.

These two months were so enjoyable and so relaxing for her, that she decided to continue the ‘deal’ for two more months, after which we both decided that it would be ‘acceptable’ either if she gets married or not.

Only at that point she came to a stage where marriage became a possible option, and not a must, and a burden.

Two weeks later she met someone whom I thought was a very good match for her. They continued their relationship for about three month – her longest relationship ever, after which she chose to put an end to it.

She said that until that man came into her life she never really believed anyone would love, and that now she felt sure of herself, well loved and well worthy, and she was sure to be meeting and marrying a man she would love more.

To sum up:

Supposedly, that young, good looking, successful woman should have had no problem getting married. On the conscious level she wanted very much to do so, but on the unconscious level there were quite a few hindrances. These hindrances became more and more clear during the process.

My client was very much afraid of criticism, and she was sure that she would be much criticized if she would enter a close and intimate relationship.

She was feeling unworthy, and did not really believe that anyone would ever love her. Therefore, whatever she did, she actually did with a lot of effort, but without any inner conviction.

My client was in a very stressful situation, caused by the stress her mother was constantly implying on her to get married. That stress has taken out any fun and happiness there could have been in meeting new people, dating, and getting married, and caused it to feel like a burden.

Due to all these, my client, when she arrived to me, was in a state of constant state of making a lot of useless and unpleasant effort, in order to achieve a goal she (subconsciously) did not even want to achieve.

It took us almost a year until she reached the point when she really loved herself and felt she was worthy.

Once the stress to get married was over, the game of courting became a fun and enjoyable one, and lead to happy results.

For desert, I would like to tell you something my client once told, and which I still cherish to this day.

At some point, at the end of our weekly session, she turned to me and said: "You know, in the beginning I just wanted to get married. After, I realized I preferred to be happy. But now I don't even care if I am happy or sad, as getting to know myself has become so fascinating!"

I wish we could all face the trials in our life with that adventurous spirit of self growth.